Weekends

This weekend has been going pretty well so far.

Friday my dad brought up something that shouldn't have been talked about at that moment. All this random shit was said and I ended up crying. Not just trying. Like waterfalls of tears. I was not feeling good. And I decided not to think. I cut, once again. Oh life.
A bit later my friend came over. We watched tv and talked. Nothing really about me. It came up, But I don't really find the need to discuss it. Its hard to talk about.

Saturday was okay. The day was I mean. I cleaned and did a bit of homework and that kinda stuff.
Then that night I went to a Social Gathering. We just hung out. A bit of drama went on. A few people got physically hurt, but its no big deal. And my friends made me a cake for my birthday.
The think about it was it was really sweet and thoughtful and all. But I try not to pay attention to my birthday. As Ive gotten older its become less and less of a deal for me. I get scared. Scared of getting older. Moving on. Scared of the new challenges life throws at me. And my friend was outside talking to someone and she apologized... and I kinda freaked out. And shes like I got you a gift and this and that. But I don't deserve anything. What did I do? I am not all that great.

Well now I have a ton of homework to do. Great.

~SilverMoon

Not Great

Lately I haven't been feeling great. I don't know why.
I just turned 16. I didn't do anything. I didn't want to. Why celebrate me? What did I do that was so great. Nothing. I'm just a body. Losing feelings. Disappearing.
But I don't want to go. Not this time.
Its scary you know. This feeling of losing yourself. You're here, then your gone. Your mind and soul. Gone. Your body stays, moving through time.
Thats what my depression feels like.
There is something though, this time, that brings me back.
He is wonderful and caring. I really do love him. So thank you.
But no one else knows. I am scared to tell. Scared for reactions. I thought I was okay. And on the outside I am. I don't want to be weak. I want to be strong. Powerful.

And stable. But I don't think I'll ever be.

~SilverMoon