Monday, November 28, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
TICK
I can... TICK TICK TICK... here the clock... TICK... tick... TICK...ing.
It fucking... TICK... needs to stop... TICK TICK... ticking.
Now its in my closet.
Tick away.
It fucking... TICK... needs to stop... TICK TICK... ticking.
Now its in my closet.
Tick away.
Walking
When I walk, someone walks with me.
Behind the light. I see them in the distance.
One second they are there, then the light blinds them and they are gone.
But once the light disappears, they appear again.
Watching, following.
Who is this human, what do they want from me?
I don't know.
And they don't know me.
And I don't know them.
And they will never know me.
Watching their movements they could hurt me.
They must be bigger.
Stronger.
But who am I to say.
They are only there in darkness. Light is only a cover.
A cover for me too.
Am I the follower?
Behind the light. I see them in the distance.
One second they are there, then the light blinds them and they are gone.
But once the light disappears, they appear again.
Watching, following.
Who is this human, what do they want from me?
I don't know.
And they don't know me.
And I don't know them.
And they will never know me.
Watching their movements they could hurt me.
They must be bigger.
Stronger.
But who am I to say.
They are only there in darkness. Light is only a cover.
A cover for me too.
Am I the follower?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Mesmerized
Not sure why thats the title. It is just the first word that came to mind.
Well hello there. Its been a long time. So lets see. Time for my craziness.
I have two friends. They have gotten very close (fine with me) but they exclude others. A lot. And i get excluded. A lot. And ouch, it hurts. Well doesn't everything? Of course it does. Cause this is life. Not some made up fairytale. No one is coming to my rescue. Things are not always okay. Well, to one of them I feel invisible. To they other I only feel invisible when the first one is around. But thats whatever.
My boyfriends been great though. He's a bit loopy (as always), but still kind and supportive.
I have picked up drawing. I love it. It helps me let go. Let go from my body. My mind. The stress is killing me. APs, SUNYS, classes, college, life. Life life life.
AP Stat has finally taught me something. Everything is a placebo. Its all in our heads. Life. Life is in our heads. So is pain. Hurt. Emotion. Feeling. All of it. Strangling. Pulling us down. Killing us slowly. If you don't imagine it it wont be there. If you imagine it far away.... It will go. So will I. If you want me to. I will go.
I want to go. Sometimes. But I know I wont. Because I haven't done my job yet. That is if there is one for me. I want to help. People. I think. Make things better. They need me. They do. Who's they? Not sure yet. I want to spread my art. I want it to make people happy. Make them feel better. Calm them.
I made a new friend. A few weeks ago maybe. He likes good music. And he's funny. We get along quite well. He would never let me down. Because I know him. Or do I? I know him enough to know that he's here for me. And i'm not invisible to him. He's not to me. He feels like he is sometimes... to the world. But doesn't everyone feel like that? Like they blend in... get lost. Lost in yourself. The crowds. The moments. Time.
Time. What a beautiful thing. We just went back in time. daylight savings. How peculiar. Saving the world from darkness four days a year. Four. Really? No. Two. Two days. We go back. relive the hour. Relive one whole hour. Or do we not relive? Are we not on track until we go back one hour? Which time is the right time? Which should it be all the time? Januarys time because it is the first month? or is January not the first month. What about the jewish new year, in October. Is that where it begins and ends.
With time is life. Did they start together? What came first. Life, living. Or time. Its like the chicken or the egg. But that has an answer. God created chickens... not eggs, correct? Or are we tracing back to Noah's arc. Is that where animal life really began? When they all stepped off the boat. Eggs don't walk. They must have been chickens.
Chickens. Today there was a tiger on tv. They eat chickens... right? I couldn't be a tiger. I don't eat chickens.
Now its 2 am. Or 1 am. ONE AM. Time. What a crazy thing. Time is numbers. And time is a statement. A statement. Like the act of stating or declaring. Well now I will state time.
It is TIME for me to go to bed. cause I don't even know what time it is anymore.
Im sorry. For everything.
Another statement. Directed toward myself.
Im sorry for all the pain and trouble I caused you. I promise I wont ever let you down.
Love, SilverMoon
Well hello there. Its been a long time. So lets see. Time for my craziness.
I have two friends. They have gotten very close (fine with me) but they exclude others. A lot. And i get excluded. A lot. And ouch, it hurts. Well doesn't everything? Of course it does. Cause this is life. Not some made up fairytale. No one is coming to my rescue. Things are not always okay. Well, to one of them I feel invisible. To they other I only feel invisible when the first one is around. But thats whatever.
My boyfriends been great though. He's a bit loopy (as always), but still kind and supportive.
I have picked up drawing. I love it. It helps me let go. Let go from my body. My mind. The stress is killing me. APs, SUNYS, classes, college, life. Life life life.
AP Stat has finally taught me something. Everything is a placebo. Its all in our heads. Life. Life is in our heads. So is pain. Hurt. Emotion. Feeling. All of it. Strangling. Pulling us down. Killing us slowly. If you don't imagine it it wont be there. If you imagine it far away.... It will go. So will I. If you want me to. I will go.
I want to go. Sometimes. But I know I wont. Because I haven't done my job yet. That is if there is one for me. I want to help. People. I think. Make things better. They need me. They do. Who's they? Not sure yet. I want to spread my art. I want it to make people happy. Make them feel better. Calm them.
I made a new friend. A few weeks ago maybe. He likes good music. And he's funny. We get along quite well. He would never let me down. Because I know him. Or do I? I know him enough to know that he's here for me. And i'm not invisible to him. He's not to me. He feels like he is sometimes... to the world. But doesn't everyone feel like that? Like they blend in... get lost. Lost in yourself. The crowds. The moments. Time.
Time. What a beautiful thing. We just went back in time. daylight savings. How peculiar. Saving the world from darkness four days a year. Four. Really? No. Two. Two days. We go back. relive the hour. Relive one whole hour. Or do we not relive? Are we not on track until we go back one hour? Which time is the right time? Which should it be all the time? Januarys time because it is the first month? or is January not the first month. What about the jewish new year, in October. Is that where it begins and ends.
With time is life. Did they start together? What came first. Life, living. Or time. Its like the chicken or the egg. But that has an answer. God created chickens... not eggs, correct? Or are we tracing back to Noah's arc. Is that where animal life really began? When they all stepped off the boat. Eggs don't walk. They must have been chickens.
Chickens. Today there was a tiger on tv. They eat chickens... right? I couldn't be a tiger. I don't eat chickens.
Now its 2 am. Or 1 am. ONE AM. Time. What a crazy thing. Time is numbers. And time is a statement. A statement. Like the act of stating or declaring. Well now I will state time.
It is TIME for me to go to bed. cause I don't even know what time it is anymore.
Im sorry. For everything.
Another statement. Directed toward myself.
Im sorry for all the pain and trouble I caused you. I promise I wont ever let you down.
Love, SilverMoon
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